Egoplex.com

Mean Santa's Workshop

SANTA'S LIST

You May Get Votes, But What You Will Not Get Are Toys

No Toys Fo' Shizzle

Tattletales Tell Tales Of Toyless Terror

N-W-O-T: N------s With Out Toys

Show The Goodies, Spare The Toys

...And No Toys For Anyone Who BUYS The Book Either

Jolly... My Ass T-Shirt

No Toys For Drunks Who Lie With Stupidity

Santa Is Always Watching, Whether Or Not The 'Borat' Cameras Are Running

Pay Attention To When The Red Light Is On, If You Want Toys, That Is



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Santa's Helper

I am Santa. Santa does not understand this newfangled R.S.S., but the elves tell him it is important.

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October 2006
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I am Santa. Santa believes he has an illustrated book in him. There may be toys for those who help Santa (presuming Santa finds no other, hidden, moral defects). Contact Santa's helper at the link above for information.

No toys for Paris Hilton

I am Santa. Santa does not know the etymology of the phrase "partying ethics." He presumes it is something that came to Ms. Hilton in a moment of satori stimulated by the feeling of a cool breeze on her uncovered private parts. At any rate, Santa is unconvinced that pole dancing lessons are a reasonable indulgence for the mother of a three-month-old child, although Santa will grudgingly concede that it takes a certain kind of determination to so enthusiastically exercise parts which Santa presumes must still be sore. Returning to Ms. Hilton, however, Santa will state the obvious: No toys for you! It has come to Santa's attention that Ms. Hilton allegedly did not write the Web posting in question. Puny Hoaxster -- Santa has ways of finding you. Magical ways. No toys for you! And no toys for Paris Hilton anyway! Santa knows she has it coming.

Posted by Santa, 12/13/2006
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This is www.MeanSanta.com

STATEMENT OF PRINCIPLES

Santa knows what you did.

So spare the denials.

You've been very bad.

It's all in the files.

He knows when you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake.

He knows who you've been sleeping with.

Have some self-respect, for God's sake!

All the schmucks down in Shmuckville get quite sentimental,

But Santa thinks your problem's more existential.

You're pampered and needy. Your job's in a rut.

You're using the Internet mainly for smut.

Your mouth is wide open. Your eyes are glued shut.

You're searching for something. "Boo hoo, don't know what."

You know, Santa is thinking you won't make the cut.

See, Santa's decided, and bear with him here,

That Christmas should be more selective this year.

Naughtiness reigns, so here's what we'll do.

Santa will judge. And it's... NO TOYS FOR YOU!


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